Cran- Arnie Palmer

2 oz Absolut Black Tea

1 oz Absolut Citron

1 oz Triple Sec

2 oz of Sour Mix

4 oz of Cranberry Juice

Cran Apple Sour

2 oz Absolut Orient Apple

1 oz Apple Pucker

1 oz Triple Sec

4 oz of Sprite

2 oz of Cranberry Juice

Cherry Berry Sour

1.5 oz Malibu Cran-Cherry

1 oz Cherry Vodka

1 oz Black Raspberrry Liqueur

2 oz Sour Mix

2 oz Cranberry Juice

2 oz of Sprite

It is Easter morning. I am not
at Church. Nor at brunch or hunting Easter Eggs with little
ones. I am writing. Spilling out the words that have
stored themselves in my veins over the last few days…..

The grass is so
perfectly manicured that you can barely guilt yourself into trekking across it
as you follow some of the world’s greatest athletes that are competing in one of
the grander, though reverential and tradition rooted settings in all of
sports. I am talking about The Augusta National, The Masters, and
today is Master’s Sunday. Even when Easter falls on this day, it
is still Master’s Sunday, not Easter Sunday, and anything different in the Hill
clan would be somewhat blasphemy to one of the great traditions that has bonded
my family together for nearly 50 years.

The Azaleas and
Magnolias open up, displaying their sheer beauty to the world for one week every
year. Thousands of fortunate men walk, wonder and marvel upon
these grounds as they are adorned in polo shirts and spiked golf shoes with
their wives or daughters who are wearing sear sucker pants or Lily
Pulitzer sun dresses. Nostalgic tradition, and homage take
precedence over everything, and to have entered the gates, gazed down Magnolia
Lane, spent that Wednesday watching the Par 3 Tournament as competitors are
“caddied” by their boys and girls, or to have spent an afternoon at the Azalea
bloomed Amen Corner with a handful of Pimento Cheese Sandwiches costing only
$1.50 each, is to have walked some sort of rite of passage, not
just in the world of golf, but in the world of tradition, beauty and
respect. I have walked these grounds, and passed this rite more
times than I can remember – my father has done so every year since he was 20
years old. He is now in his early sixties.
The tradition in my family goes deeper than that.
I suppose it traces back to the courtship of my grandparents back in
the late 1930s.

Augusta is a
sleepy town for much of the year. It isn’t too dissimilar from
many of the small towns across the South, though it will always hold a special
place in my heart, seeing as my Grandmother was born and lived there until she
married my Grandfather who became a Colonel in the Army and subsequently
relocated her and their soon to be family all over the world, living the
prototypical life of “The Greatest Generation”. She
lived in a beautiful mansion on Walton Way a few short miles from The Augusta
National where traditions were beginning to be built by Bobby Jones, Sam Snead,
and quite literally by Alister Mackenzie, the architect of the course which was
built in the early 1930s. When they returned in the
‘60s upon my Grandfather’s retirement from his time in the Army, many of the
traditions that represent this place, and this week in early April, had already
become hard fastened staples in the culture of the sport.
This is when “Pop”, my grandfather began volunteering at
The Master’s, an opportunity worth lusting after for anyone in the
greater world of golf, and here every first week in April he was an insider, one
of the privileged few, and he did this for 40 years.
We were blessed with four tickets to the event every year until his
passing several years back – this came at a time when a waiting list for tickets
was twenty years long, and was finally closed. When he died, by
the luck of the draw our family was given two replacement tickets for being
loyal, dedicated fans to Augusta and the world created there.

Over the past
twenty something years spending this week with my family has taught me a lot
about The Master’s and it’s tradition, but perhaps the greatest thing I have
learned is it is so much greater than golf. It is greater than
competition and whoever is last man standing and wearing the green jacket on
Sunday evening. To know The Augusta National, and be a part of
the tradition is to know a sporting event that is just as much defined by a
respect for tradition, and family. These other reasons are what I
most cherish about this first Sunday in April, when tournament play comes to an
end, and me and my family gather around the television paying homage to this
mecca of beauty – beauty in so many different regards. I have
come to the conclusion that it really isn’t about golf at all.
Well, maybe a little bit it is also so much more. Where
else can you get a Pimento Cheese for a buck-fifty?

My Masters Pimento
Cheese

1 Pound Sharp
Cheddar Cheese

1/3 Cup Chopped
Pimentos

½
Cup of Mayonnaise

1 tbsp Minced
Vidalia Onion

2-3 Cloves Garlic,
finely minced

½ tsp White
Pepper

A Pinch each of
Cayenne Pepper + Paprika

Salt to Taste (at
end)

In food Processor
Combine first 3 ingredients and incorporate well

Add remaining
ingredients and further incorporate

Chill for atleast
one hour

London Broil
2(+/-)Pound London Broil
2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Rub:
2 tbsp Spanish Paprika
1 tbsp Dark Chili Powder
1 tbsp Sea Salt
1 tsp Dried Thyme Leaves
1/2 tsp Black Pepper
1/2 tsp Ground Cumin
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Onion Powder

Preparation
Incorporate the above ingredients and
Coat Liberally
Sear on each side for 2 Minutes and relocate pan with roast to a preheated
oven at 400 degrees and cook for 20 minutes.
Halfway through cooking process, baste meat with some of the vinaigrette
Allow to cool 5-10 before slicing

Charred Scallion Vinaigrette
2 Bundles of Scallions
4 Cloves Garlic
1/2 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 tbsp Sherry Vinegar

Preparation:
On Grill or in pans over medium high heat, char scallions until nearly
turning black.
Remove from heat and chill
Remove charred skin, and discard
In food processor or blender combine scallions with rest of ingredients
until well incorporated
Serve over Sliced Meat

Chili-Herb Roasted Potatoes
1 Pound of White Baby Potatoes, 1/2
2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 tsp Dark Chili Powder
2 Cloves Garlic, finely minced
1 tbsp Dried Thyme
1 tsp Kosher Salt
1/2 tsp Black Pepper

Preparation:
Incorporate ingredients and roast on lined baking sheet at 400 for 20
minutes or until potatoes are tender
Last two minutes Broil on high to crisp

Of Course serve this with a Nice Spanish Rioja or Tempranillo

Well, summer was fun in Atlanta that year, and equally hot. We were able to earn a quick penny, watch the Olympics from our driveway and share with our friends and neighbors the beauty of our Southern vegetable garden.

Here is the link to my Guajillo Pepper Gazpacho, a modern, south-of-the-border twist on the Spanish classic is a soup that will always remind me of my brother crunching tortilla chips, fantasizing about Mexican Salsa, while actually enjoying the most refreshing soup imaginable, enjoying the flavors of summer that sprouted up from our back yard.

Here is the link to my Guajillo Pepper Gazpacho:

http://bachelorkitchen.com/pages/archives/707

Guajillo Pepper Gazpacho

Serves 8-10 Bowls

Ingredients:
4 Tomatoes, halved
1.5 cups of Tomato Juice
3 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Guajillo Peppers or Chipotle Peppers(seeded)
1 Bell Pepper, stem removed, cut into chunks
1 Vidalia or White Onion, peel removed and cut into chunks
1 English Cucumber, skin removed and cut into chunks
4 cloves garlic, peeled
2 Limes, 1 juiced and 1 reserved for garnishing soup
2 tsp Cumin,
1 piece of white bread

Preparation:
Slice tomatoes in half, removing the core
On a baking sheet spread 1 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil and place tomatoes cut side down
Season with kosher salt and black pepper
Roast at 400 degrees for approximately 25-30 minutes (until the peel begins shrivel)
Remove, and chill
In Food processor combine tomatoes with remaining ingredients
Chill over night
Garnish with lime zest

4 Flat Iron Steaks, 8 0Z each
3 tbsp Chili Powder
½ tsp Cinnamon
¼ tsp cumin
Salt and Pepper to Taste

Chipotle Mashed Plantains, and Cilantro Vinaigrette

2 Plantains
1 tbsp Kosher Salt
1 ½ qt Water
2 tbsp Unsalted Butter
½ Cup Heavy Cream
1 Chipotle Pepper in Adobo, finely chopped
2 tbsp White Onion, chopped
1 tbsp Cilantro, chopped
2 cloves Garlic, minced
1 tsp Dark Brown Sugar
¼ tsp White Pepper

Soak Plantains in room temperature water for 30 minutes, for easy peeling
Remove from water and relocate water into pot and bring to a boil, adding salt
Remove peel and slice into ½ inch circles, and submerge in boiling water
Allow 15-20 minutes to boil to soften
When fork pierces through entirety of the flesh with no ease
Remove from water and dry
In a pan over medium heat melt butter, then add onion, garlic, Chipotle Pepper, white pepper and cilantro, and cook until onions are translucent, 3-4 minutes
Remove from heat and allow to chill
In food processor or blender combine contents of pan with plantains, and heavy cream
Taste and adjust seasonings and add more Cream if desired thickness isn’t reached

Cilantro-Lime Vinaigrette
1/4 cup Lime juice, fresh squeezed
¼ cup Cilantro, chopped
2 tbsp Agave Nectar
1 Clove Garlic
¼ tsp Kosher Salt
1/2 cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Combine all ingredients in Blender or Food Processor
Drizzle over Steak

The body gets sick when it is acidic because of a diet high in protein. You have to kick up your vegetable intake. If your meals aren’t 70 percent vegetarian, you need to adjust. The sooner you start, the better you will feel. Start your morning with veggie juice (carrots, beets, cucumber, ginger apple), and as per my previous comment, drink lots of fluids. Hot water with lemon would be great. Lemon is alkaline. Fenugreek is effective in treating tonsillitis as well. Drink fenugreek tea. Forget coffee. The more alkaline (comes from having a plant-based diet) the body, the better in boosting the immune system. Stay away from processed foods, sugar, alcohol, dairy, and fried foods (rich foods in general). Vitamins E and C are essential and will help as well. Gargle with salt water. Stay away from chili spicy foods right now because they will irritate your tonsils… however, when this is finally treated or the swelling has gone down, make a conscious effort to increase intake of plant-based foods, spices included.”

Thanks sweetheart, for your help…

CH

Serves as an Appetizer for 6-8

Ingredients:

4 Artichokes

2 Lemons

4 tbsp Butter, melted

2 Cups chicken broth

2 Cups water

2 cloves Garlic, finely minced

Salt and Pepper to Taste

Preparation:

Trim tops from the artichokes, and any sharp spiky points from ends of leaves.

Immediately submerge in water with 2 tbsp lemon juice to avoid oxidation

Meanwhile, bring 2 cups of chicken broth and 2 cups of water to a boil, and submerge for 15-20 minutes, covered

Cool, to be able to handle, and slice in half lengthwise – artichokes should be cooked almost all the way through, which occurs when you are able to easily pull the outer leaves from the body

Combine melted butter, garlic and juice of 1 lemon, and brush grill with a bit of butter mixture where you intend to place artichoke halves

Grill on a medium heat for 10 minutes, rotating side that is in contact with grill surface, basting with butter-lemon mixture every couple minutes

Garnish with Grilled Lemons , snipped chives and serve with Watercress Aioli

For Watercress Aioli:

1 cup mayonnaise

1/2 cup finely chopped watercress leaves

1 tsp Stone Ground Mustard

2 cloves Garlic, finely minced

2 tbsp Chives, chopped

1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

¼ tsp Black Pepper, freshly cracked

¼ tsp Sea Salt

Combine all ingredients in food processor or blender and puree until incorporated and smooth, and serve as a dipping sauce for Artichokes

Serves as Dinner for 2

Ingredients:

¾ of a Pound of Jumbo Sea Scallops, approx. 10-12

5 tbsp Butter, unsalted

½ cup Dry White Wine

½ cup Chicken Stock or low sodium broth

1 Shallot, minced

2-3 cloves garlic, minced

1 tbsp. Orange Zest

½ cup Orange Juice

1 tbsp. Fresh Thyme, chopped

2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil

A pinch of Saffron

Preparation of Sauce:

Heat 1 Tbsp butter in a saucepan over medium heat.

Add shallots and garlic and sweat until translucent, about 3-4 minutes

Scrape vanilla from the pod of the mean, and add vanilla beans, orange zest and saffron. Sautee for an additional minute

Add wine, and allow for the liquid to reduce, almost entirely

Add chicken stock and ¼ cup of orange juice, and reduce in half

Remove from heat, and strain.

Gradually add the remaining butter, whisking to incorporate.  Don’t add any additional butter until the butter is completely melted and incorporated into the sauce.

Serve immediately

Cooking Scallops:

Marinate scallops in Ziploc bag with remaining orange juice(1/4 cup) for 20-30 minutes

Remove from bag and pat scallops dry, and season with fresh cracked pepper and sea salt

Add olive oil to nonstick skillet over medium to medium-high heat

After 1-2 minutes, when oil is hot, add scallops

Sear on each side for 2-3 minutes, undisturbed

Serve scallops by drizzling with sauce

“How about we celebrate when you get home, after class tonight,” I suggested.

“Sounds great baby,” she answered, smiling, “What do you have in mind?”

“It’s a secret!” I grinned.  “Now get on with your day, so I can get on with this “secret”.   I bantered back, trying to figure out how to make this night magical, and what this secret might be.  She was out the door and I was nervous, looking at my clock realizing I only had a few hours to impress my beautiful Valentine, and I had nothing.  Then it came to me….Dinner! My nervousness, sweating, and tension turned into, “That’s it! I’ll impress her with an awesome dinner!  So what if I’ve never done this before,” I thought to myself, psyching myself up while wiping the sweat from my chin.  “I can do this!”

Michelle out of sight, I scurried out the back door and straight for my car.  I bustled into the grocery store lot and screeched into a parking spot, where all around, were men, like myself walking back to their cars with hands full of flowers, cards, chocolates, and those of us who were cooking, had cooking ingredients as well.  My first stop was the international aisle where I scooped up a box of penne.  I then picked up some salad dressing, parmesan cheese, and wandered helplessly over to the produce section where I needed tomatoes(fortunately several were beautifully red), a red onion, garlic, baby spinach, an assortment of berries,  a few handfuls of walnuts and a number of other essentials to round out the meal.  I stopped by the meat counter to get some beef for my tartare, and it appeared all of the good cuts were taken – I settled for a fatty handful of tenderloin medallions.  I needed shrimp for my pasta, so I wandered over to the seafood market and snatched a bag of large, precooked cocktail shrimp(something I would never do at this point in my career), and I was reminded of Michelle’s inherent, ocean brined love affair with seafood, having grown up on the Florida Panhandle. I then hustled over to the checkout line with some Roses, but not before the adorable lady in the floral department lectured me on selecting flowers, and how to keep them alive, things I knew from my junior year of high school when I spent the summer gardening, thus learning more than I ever thought imaginable about flowers, plants, shrubs and weeds.  Nevertheless, I thanked her for her infinite wisdom, checked out and hurried home.

The clock was ticking and it was time to get real in the kitchen, to make it happen.  Car parked, my arms weighed down by ridiculous amounts of bags filled with props and groceries which were cutting off the circulation in my wrists by the time I made it to the kitchen counter.  Just as carefully as I was in selecting those tomatoes, I retrieved the contents from the bags, one ingredient at a time, as if I were handling precious jewels.  I located the cutting board, and a knife, and it was time to get to work.

Adrenaline was running through my veins.  I looked at all of my ingredients knowing I had more than I would know what to do with, but at the time I couldn’t take a chance, but please, keep in mind, that I was a college kid, with no formal culinary training, but a deep desire and love affair with food….and an ego the size of Mt. Everest.  This was my chance to show her what I was made of.  I loved cooking and had cooked for myself and my buddies numerous times, but this was different.  I was cooking for a date, which was akin to bringing a girl home to meet my parents… She had to be worth it and Michelle definitely was.  The clock was still ticking, seemingly fasten than before, and I was nowhere near finished, with just over an hour and a half until she were to return.  And so, pen to paper, I began sketching out my menu as follows:

First Course: Spinach Salad with Roma tomatoes, onions, walnuts and a store bought bleu cheese vinaigrette.

Second:  Beef Tartare with Lemon-Dijon Aioli

Main: Shrimp Alfredo with Penne Pasta and roasted red peppers

Dessert:  Gran Marnier macerated berries.

Cocktail:  Kir Royale

Where to start?  In the mixing bowls went the berries, a spoonful of sugar and a generous dash of  Gran Marnier…to ensure good mood. Into the fridge it went.  Dessert, done! A corroded, wooden bowl, passed down from my grandmother to my Mom, to me- was the perfect vessel for a salad of fresh baby spinach, chopped vine-ripened tomatoes, and rich, crunchy walnuts.  A great salad and story too!  Covered with plastic wrap, bottled bleu cheese vinaigrette on top (even early on I knew mis-en-place!), shifting a few things around, I pushed the bowl gently into the refrigerator, tilting it ever so slightly, nestling it between a box of wine and stale beer, which sadly dominated this college student’s fridge.  Prep work, done!

Now 5:30, I had one hour, and hadn’t even begun to address the romantic part of this evening – this was surely make tonight unforgettable.  I placed the circular dining room table that adequately sat two people, in the living room, and cleared out the rest.  I found some appropriately colored red linens to hide stains that accumulated on the table over the course of our college careers, dressed the table with silverware, and placed a small vase of flowers and a couple of dimly lit sconces to accent our romantic occasion.  Five dozen roses began taking their places throughout the room, which I aligned in circular patterns, placing tea lights in-between each, lighting them, so that when she arrived the room would be gloriously illuminated.  I hustled lighting the candles, and my once excited sweating turned back into nervousness as I scurried, getting everything into place. I still had to make the tartare and cook the entree portion of the meal and cue the music that we would be listening to that evening, which was a list of meaningful songs that defined our time together.

I heated some water, salted it and emptied a box of penne into the rolling boil.  I then chopped up some garlic and onion – sweated them in some butter with thyme and oregano and when the contents of the pan were translucent and the aroma otherworldly I eyeballed a tablespoon of flour, made a roux, stirred some milk into it and finished it with parmesan cheese.  It looked beautiful.  I bought pre-cooked jumbo cocktail shrimp that needed a mere warming and they would be ready to go(something I would never do this day and age).  Meanwhile, I began working on the Beef tartare, by mincing the tenderloin and tossing it with some left over chopped onion, garlic, herbs, and then delicately scooped some mayo, Dijon mustard, and squeezed some lemon juice, ensuring no seeds made their way into the mixture.  I finally added an egg yolk, tossed the mixture, molded it, cylindrically and symmetrically on the plate, finished it with some chopped capers, and freshly grated parmesan cheese and relocated the plate to the fridge, until it was time for dinner.  The apartment door swung open at the very instant the refrigerator door sealed shut.

This was single handedly the worst meal I ever made. By the end of the night we were stumbling drunk because the food was so unpalatable aside from a passable salad, and a pretty decent beef tartare.  But the high notes were overshadowed by the fact that I used Milk for the pasta sauce which had expired a month prior, and that sour, rotten smell of milk, to this day has me emotionally distraught.   As a result, we didn’t eat more than two bites, well, aside from the dessert, which was soaking in booze – that couldn’t have helped our lack of sobriety.

Nevertheless, we enjoyed ourselves, talked about our lives together, while drinking the Kir Royales, dancing to the music that went on to be the soundtrack of our relationship, as the candles in the room slowly melted their way into the carpet, creating flames, throughout the apartment.  The smoke alarm went off, we doused the carpet in water, and what could have been a serious calamity, was narrowly avoided, though wax had now embedded itself into various locations throughout the room.   I thought she was going to kill me.  The fire department came and left, patting me on the back, acknowledging my embarrassment, as did her deposit for the apartment, in what turned out to be an unforgettable night.

So, my first Valentine’s Day with a girlfriend, or atleast one I truly cared for was defined by a horrific meal and followed with a fire that could’ve burned the building down.   My intentions were good, which was my salvation, and it’s a night I can look back on and laugh, now.   Especially seeing as, I spent the remainder of the night holding her hair back as she vehemently vomited into the toilet, a byproduct of her intoxication.  What a night.  I’m pretty sure she didn’t remember much of that night, if anything.  Trust me, this is a good thing.

That night taught me this:

Lesson #1: Never use pre-cooked shrimp in a warm dish.  Precooked shrimp are called “Cocktail Shrimp”.  Dip them in cocktail sauce, remoulade, or squeeze some lemon over them – just don’t reheat them.

Lesson #2: Before use, always check the expiration date on dairy products.  I REPEAT, CHECK THE EXPIRATION DATE.  If you are more than a few days past the expiration date, get rid of it!

Lesson #3: Avoid putting burning plastic directly on carpet.  It will be only a matter of time before something bad happens.

Lesson # 4: Stop feeding your date booze, if she didn’t like what you fixed her, especially if she is in college.  College girls have notoriously low tolerances for alcohol.

So, I suppose we have to start somewhere, and for me I didn’t have anywhere to go but up, and that I did.  I continued watching my cooking shows, continued cooking in my home kitchen, and continued to read and learn what I could, since I rarely spent any time working on homework.   So here I am 8 or 9 years later, and life has moved on, I have cooked for tons of girls, most of whom have been incredibly impressed, and find myself now, getting pleasure out of making people happy through food.  I have also become a believer in the notion that every story has a moral, which is the 5^th lesson that night taught me, though it took me five years or more to come to this conclusion.  And it is this:

Lesson #5: Ignore the lessons above – find out for yourself, and it will all work out.  If it doesn’t, now that you have bought this book, you can blame it on me – just don’t give her my email address.

So, as I look back at my life, and my life in food, and specifically that Valentine’s Day, let’s just say, that things ended, well, special, and memorable – how can you not look back and laugh at a flaming carpet, a soured alfredo sauce and rubbery shrimp.  She was beautiful, I was embarrassed, and she blacked out, barely remembering any of it.  Sounds like a win to me.